JOURNEY TO A DREAM

BY: DEBI DOWLING

 

CHAPTER SIX – THE SOLUTION?

 

 

“How can a child get help? What is the view of a child's presence in the church?”

 

 

The Lord let me know I could have been born anywhere, but I was born at Gospel Assembly in Houston. Just as I have found peace with my natural family, if I am to go on in Christ, I must find peace with this spiritual family. If the spirit of God is not leading us, we can easily become the very thing we hate. How many of God people will be hurt by this public destruction of what GA was supposed to be? I claim the healing for the Houston Assembly as the same healing that has occurred in me just since I started communicating on this message board.  I feel frustrated at times with the ministers, and feel that not enough is being done concerning the matters that was so grossly neglected. But if I allow my anger to interfere with my goal, I will be right back where I was before my Savior lifted me from the horror, which I can feel all around me as my heart goes out to others. The tears overwhelm me as I respond to their hearts, crying out. The possibility I am offering is a safe place for healing. I am offering information that I’ve received through some of the experiences I was blessed with in my search for restitution. I have a few suggestions. The one crucial thing that was overlooked in my family was getting personally involved, intimate, compelled to passion, taking on the issue as if it were YOU, administering AGAPE love. I could not get anyone to hear me. I suffered much. There was absolutely no one for me to go to.

 

The whole ordeal with Tom Jolly is very disturbing. Rather than trying to figure out what we could have done then, know the mercy of God, acknowledge His wisdom. The idea is to bring the victims into victory. This is the here and now. The immoral acts of Tom Jolly have disrupted the foundation of the Gospel Assembly organization. NOW we have an opportunity to bring Jesus in. We need Him more than ever. This need of Him is to our benefit. Jesus is the way, the ONLY way.

 

Let's say you are the pastor of a church. You see people come into your church. The whole family receives the Holy Ghost, from the youngest to the oldest. This family obeys all the rules, follows the teachings; they gave their service for 16 years. What is the responsibility of a pastor to his member? The issue of incest arises in the family. What do you do to counsel with the family? I am curious. I know that my family was not the only one. How do you deal with the offender? How do you find out the facts? Do you speak to the children? Are we still trying to figure out how to deal with this? I wish someone would be bold enough to tell me exactly what they think of my family.

 

I don't want to find out that the love that has been shown to my family was sugar coated. How is my father viewed? Isn't he loved by any of the ministers? How many services does he need to attend before he is considered a member? Why doesn't anyone go to him? Are we strangers among you? Are we not the weak? Does no one see the hunger? Does no one see the desire; the struggle? Is everyone just waiting for us to fall again? This breaks my heart. Does anyone care?

 

I decided when I was quite young that I would never be able to find understanding in the church. The church was not a place to unload such sin. This sin was a true disgrace. There was no way of exposing it without damage to the whole, and my heart was broken by this deep love for my family, although at times I would act out in anger, and each time I would destroy myself with guilt. Please hear me... PLEASE!!!!    

 

How can a child get help? What is the view of a child's presence in the church? I truly believe that because the families are left to themselves in order to deal with the dysfunctions of the family, the safest way is outside the church. My prayer is that this will change as the ministers see the needs of the family. I can also see more of an open attitude toward helping victims. I am very encouraged.    

I have been given the opportunity to work with many women and children that have been victimized by their fathers or ministers, as well as strangers, and were left “with child” through the trauma. I hope that I can bring out how, through this man-driven religion, innocent people are being destroyed. I pray that as he deals with this side of the issue, he will be brought to an understanding of his own sin and take it to the cross as I did. And that he will know the awesome power of forgiveness and that he may be set free of the iniquity that oppresses him. I believe there are others who are interested in taking on this responsibility. I believe it was not by chance that I came across this web site. Believe me I feel the fear and I pray my heart stays true to the spirit of truth. I believe with my whole being that this is the day of deliverance.  I pray that I do not falter. I fear my own anger that has been pinned up for so many years. My heart races as I read each testimony on this web site. I can feel my blood boil! Anger and sin not. If you only you knew my personality, think of the guy who lost an ear by the hand of Jesus' disciple. I don't want to offend my Lord.

To be very frank, I have had some problems with watching how all this is being handled. I guess the simplest gesture of taking responsibility for what has happened to me is awesome. To me, that is a step in the right direction. However the issue of the abuse has been openly discussed in services. I don’t think the ministers are comfortable in dealing with it. Actually, they seem lost. The way I see it is as though they are hearing it for the first time. I’m glad that some, such as these websites, have been called to keep this in the full light to bring out what everyone considers the past. However it has not yet become the past until it has been dealt with. I am not sure that I am coming across with what has happened to me. I received a complete deliverance. The Lord has brought me to a higher level of thinking and for the sake of time I will just say this "happening" is a part of what others have already started. In other words, these ministers have been given an opportunity to bring the church into a place to find restoration. I believe the reality of how prominent this situation is has been somewhat of a shock, and I believe the Lord is giving them some room in His mercy.

Above all, I know from what has happened to me that God is here. He hears us, and deliverance will come, whomever it may come through. We have to run this race in confidence. I just want to answer the call that the Lord has called me to do. I am so thankful that we don't have to do this alone. I am beginning to see this is bigger than I thought. I don't think these ministers have a full picture; they need more information. I get angry at times when they take down statistics. To me, if it happened to one, that is too many. I don't understand the mindset, the lack of compassion. But great things are happening in this whole situation, and no one will be able to stand in the way, once God has had enough. All I can say is I pray that they do the right thing for their own salvation.

Here are some of my thoughts. It seems that more of the victims need to speak out. I have a problem with them being asked to bring their story out to become a statistic, so I propose a hotline, a safe haven. I know this is the beginning. I see that the ones who have come out of the abuse are the ones who really have the tools to deal with the situation. The victims who have survived are the overcomers. There is so much victory; this is the power that will overcome the sickness. I see even ministers under the spell of dizziness that Satan employs to keep us from grasping the true evil that is upon us. It is so evil that there is no proper fear. The one advantage I have is that I am one who has come through it. As I told Brother Brown, I had no choice. I could not say, "Did this happen?" I was bound by the truth. I did not have to seek out the truth. Yes, this is a true evil. Instead of seeing it as destruction to all I believe we can praise God that it has all come out that we may release these people from bondage.

There are many problems under this. The perpetrator, as I am beginning to see, has lost sight of his identity. The ministers, I am afraid, are trying to receive healing by doing a good deed, save the victim. I am here to tell you God is our deliverer. They need to pray for their deliverance; they need to seek out their responsibility in this. I feel that Satan is trying to hide in the confusion right now. I feel the power of prayer. That is what I have to do. Each day I am seeing things more clearly. I am watching God move right before my eyes; I stand amazed. It is so good to see you Lord. I knew you would come. My soul has stepped up and has received all that the Lord has to offer. I am headed toward the victory, for all he gave me is something worth giving. I am going to give it. Someone needs an ear, and I am making myself available. My husband has even felt the blessings from what the Lord has done.

Ministers cannot change people. They can, as Christ, offer a choice. If people in the congregation choose to commit these sins, the best one can do is to offer a place for repentance. It is the responsibility of the family to do what they think is right to clean up the sin in their own lives. As parents, it is our responsibility to know the will of God for our children and ourselves. It is our responsibility to know the law, to choose this day whom we shall serve. And if we fall short of that responsibility, we must suffer the outcome. If man murders, by law his wife doesn't have to say anything. The church holds the position (although Lloyd Goodwin was very manipulative and controlling, or Brother Patton may have been passive, or I was rebellious and a rebel) that we all have come short and are in need of forgiveness and we all must come unto repentance. I can see this is taking place. Not all will forgive; therefore, not all will be forgiven, for there is no forgiveness to those who cannot forgive, putting us all under submission to the Father. He is no respecter of persons.

Whatever Brother Brown was in the past, that is not who he is today. I see the difference. For him to even show up on the web site is different from the man I knew as a child. I believe in miracles; I claim this one. I stand-alone. I am not even a churchgoer. I went to see. I prayed that I would find something to say publicly that was true. Brother Brown gave a beautiful message. The one thing that hurt me the most was I could not trust God. I was serving a false God. God is not my religion; Jesus is not my religion. There is no religion or truth until one comes to know the power of forgiveness. All religions are perverted, and do not know why there is no escape. I know this. I ask you to pray with me for the ministers who are taking a stand against this sin of betrayal. In other words, addressing this issue publicly in their assemblies. Brother Brown did this at the watch night service. He has opened the subject and is trying to offer a safe place for those who have committed these offenses to make it right. If that does not happen, there will be open rebuke; and if that doesn't happen, dis-fellowship.

I do believe the Lord gave me a testimony that will glorify His name. I owe Him everything, so I will take it one step at a time. I will support Brother Brown as long as his intentions are to bring healing to the wounded; the kind of healing that brings them to the full knowledge of their Lord. Miracles don't save people; we live in a world filled with miracles everyday, and still don't believe. When a miracle is realized it does humble one’s thinking, giving an opportunity to receive the fullness of God. Hey! I have something to think about. When reading the Bible, I see that God created male and female; then he says he did not have a man to till the ground and FORMED Adam; and from Adam came Eve. I have never heard anyone teach this; I truly see a message in this. May we become wise to the ways of God and simple to evil. I love Jesus! I praise the Father for His wisdom. His Life is my comfort.

I would not even bother with this if it were not for a broader vision. I am beginning to see things that I would have never considered. This is such a gross situation. I hate it! I want to do whatever I can to eliminate it, even the smallest healing is a place for life to start in this sort of evil. All this stuff infuriates me! Something is definitely not right in the Gospel Assembly organization side of the church, but I am also aware of another side of Gospel Assembly that I feel is a victim, just as I was a victim; and as a victim to this seducing spirit that has oppressed God's people in most if not every religious order, I seek deliverance. I believe there is a women’s ministry and it is rising, but we have to find peace with our brothers. I seek that peace. I am aware of my resistance, but I cannot let go of that resistance or I will be drawn in. God has no intention of me failing; therefore, I will not fail this task.

I spoke with The Center For Battered Woman, to find out what type of services can be offered to woman seeking for help. I have learned of several options. Also I have gathered enough information and purchased a book that will help us in leading groups into recovery. I am aware that I am dealing with ordinary "men of God.” All this will not happen overnight. But I am committed to the point of suggesting a women's ministry in Gospel Assembly. I can feel the resistance. I feel like I am sacrificing myself to be stoned but I am willing to die for this. As for me, I know..."the foolishness of God is wiser than man." God did not fill women with the Holy Ghost to come under the authority of man and as a woman, men may see me as foolish, but I am the foolishness of God.

This website could use a hotline. I really see that the website allows openness, which is a part of the healing process. Where else could I go to speak my heart? I know it is my blessing, but why does my soul want to grab each person I see, just reach out and touch them with this miracle of love?

My cry today is to let it be known to all the leaders in the church in the country, in our families, OUR POINTMEN, take on the humbleness provided in the Holy Ghost. Seek for the compassion in the spirit; take on the humility of this sin. Let it have a perfect work in you. Let the Holy Ghost be your eyes; see the completeness of what God is doing. He does not pour out His mercy because we deserve it. It is because we need it. We need to search out why we are receiving so much power, BECAUSE WE NEED IT TO OVERCOME the sins of the family. Thank you Lord for the change in me. I want to serve you. YOU ARE HOLY! YOU, LORD, ARE MY COMPLETENESS.   

 

How can I say thanks for the things Christ has done for me?

Things so undeserved, yet He came and gave His life for me.

The voices of a million angels cannot express my gratitude.

All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Calvary.

 

“To God be the glory! To God be the glory! To God be the glory for all of the things that He has done.”

 

TO BE CONTINUED…….THE LAST CHAPTER

PERSONAL STORIES

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION