 MY STORY
By J. Annette Bolken (Williams)
I would like to share my story as a healing tool for anyone
who has had traumatizing experiences or wasn’t treated like a person. I have
been through a lot in my 32 years of life. I didn’t have any traumatizing
experiences with the “church” although I don’t think that I was treated like
a person. However, I am not here to point a finger at ANYONE.
Each one of you knows your own experiences that you
faced. Each one of you is dealing with or has dealt with your situation
within your selves. Leave the rest to God.
I went through some things after I left church. Whether
it had to do with what happened in the church such as the way I was treated
or not, it was a learning experience for me. I was married for four and a half
years to a man who was abusive, both physically and mentally. For the record,
I have forgiven him. We are good friends now. He is the father of my
two children.
When I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, I was
shot. I was in my own home doing nothing wrong and I got shot. It was a minor
injury but a few inches lower or 5 minutes earlier it could have been
devastating. When my daughter was three years old, she fell from my 3-story
apartment building window. She walked
away from it with a bruise.
I know God has been with me. Each of these experiences could have been a lot worse. Why am I writing about this? What does
this have to do with any of the other?
This is my story.
I questioned God when my daughter fell out of the
window. Why did this happen to me? I
remember asking Him one day what have I done so wrong that this was to
happen? My daughter was fine now, why bother God. This was very scary for me at the time. I didn’t understand. It was probably close to a month after I
had asked God “why”, my daughter was playing in her room, and she was talking
really loud, almost screaming. I went
in there and she looked at me and said only one word: forgive: I
didn’t understand for a moment but then it hit me. It was my answer from God.
The next question was forgiving whom? A couple of days later, my
sister and I was talking about all the things going on with the church and
the things that happened with us in the church and it hit me, all of the
times that I was treated unfairly, accused of things I did not do, all the
times that someone made fun of me, I still had it held deep inside. I want everyone to know that I have
forgiven everyone. I don’t hold
anyone responsible. It was what we
were taught. I don’t have any bad
feelings for anyone in or out of the church.
The rest of this as follows, I wrote as it came to me
over a period of months after all that had happened. I hope that it will be an inspiration to
those who are in need.
Sometimes we don’t feel like we want to feel. Sometimes we don’t achieve what we want to
achieve. Things happen that don’t make
sense and life leads us in directions that are beyond our control. It is at these times, most of all, that we
need someone who quietly understands us and be there to support us and
remember that though things may be difficult now, tomorrow is a new day.
Sometimes it seems like the world is crumbling around us
and we just can’t go on but these are the times when we need to look to God,
to hold on to our faith and hope and to each other. One of the hardest things to accept is the realization that
things that makes no sense to us now may never make any sense, but life will
go on anyway, with no explanations or apologies and that we somehow survived
the changes thrust upon us. We even
managed to grow but nothing grows without rain, so when it begins to pour,
let it flow and when the storm has passed, let it go.
Don’t let go of hope.
Hope gives us the strength to keep going when we feel like giving
up. Don’t ever quit believing in
yourself. As long as we believe we
can, we will have a reason for trying.
Don’t let anyone hold our happiness in their hands; hold it in ours,
so it will always be within our reach.
Don’t measure success or failure by material wealth but by how we
feel. Our feelings determine the
richness of our lives. Don’t let bad
moments or memories overcome us; be patient and they will pass. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help; we
all need it from time to time. Don’t
run away from God but towards Him, because He’s our deepest joy. Don’t wait for what we want to come to us,
go after it with all that we are, knowing that God will meet us halfway. Don’t feel like we’ve lost when plans and
dreams fall short of our hopes.
Anytime we learn something new about ourselves or about life, we have
progressed. Don’t do anything that
takes away from our self-respect.
Feeling good about us is essential to feeling good about life. Don’t ever forget how to laugh or be too
proud to cry. It’s by doing both that
we live life to it’s fullest.
We can’t change the past; we just need to keep the good
memories and acquire wisdom from the past.
We can’t predict the future; we just need to hope and pray for God’s
will and that which is right and believe that’s how it will be. We can live a day at a time, enjoying the
present and always seeking to become a better person. Even though things might look a little
cloudy now they’ll get better soon.
Just remember that it’s true: it takes rain to make rainbows, lemons
to make lemonade and sometimes it takes difficulties to make us stronger and
better people.
No one ever said life would be easy and it seems so
unfair at times. Yet life’s ups and downs make us better and stronger even
though we may not realize it at the moment. Remember, when we hurt, let the
pain out. When we are sad, let the tears flow. When we are angry, release it.
When frustration sets in, work it out.
When something happens in our lives that we find
difficult to accept, we must decide if there is anything we can do to change
things. If there is, we must do what
we can to make things right again.
But if we have done all we can and we know in our hearts that there is
nothing more we can do about it now then we should let go of whatever is
troubling us. After going over all
the “what ifs” and “whys”, we may learn a valuable lesson and we find that
even though it was painful; we grew through the experience. Just learning to let things go, rather
than worrying about what might have been, might eventually be worth even more
than whatever it is we had to let go of.
In every change that we experience in life, there will
be times when we’ll wonder if we can endure, but we’ll learn that facing each
difficulty one by one isn’t so hard.
It’s when we don’t deal with a situation that it sometimes comes back
to confront us again. Changes are
sometimes very painful, but they teach us that we can endure and that we can
become stronger.
It’s not always easy to know which road to follow, which
choice to make, or what to do. Life
is a series of new horizons, new hopes, new days and changes that come to
us. Life changes as we grow and we
must learn to accept this.
Understanding our feelings makes life challenging and rewarding.
In life, we have to make decisions that aren’t always
easy. We’re afraid that whatever
choice we make will upset someone. It
is at these times that we need to look inside and listen to the voice that’s
inside us. If we listen just to the
wishes of those around us and ignore our own feelings, we will not be truly
happy. Listen to what you know is
right and stand on that, because when you do, you will be happy.
Sometimes, life isn’t meant to be easy; we have to work
hard to get what we want so it will be appreciated more when we get it. Opportunities don’t always come searching
for us; we must put in time and effort to look for them and even more to
finally achieve them. It will take
time before all the pieces fit together.
Don’t ever give up or give in because there is always a way. Just learn to trust in God and us to
choose the right way and if it shouldn’t work out, try again. Keep trying until you get it right and in
the meantime, be patient, and when it’s over there will be a reward-not of
materialistic value but of self-value, which is accomplishment, inner peace
and self-growth. This is a valuable
reward that can only be obtained by the learning experiences that each of us
must face in our own time.
Our days can sometimes be very confusing. We seem to have too many things to do, too
many problems to solve and not enough time to accomplish everything. We tend to forget that each day is a
beautiful miracle given to us by God and there is much love and enjoyment to
be experienced. We don’t have to
solve every problem or accomplish our entire goal in one day. Finish what we can today and leave the
rest for tomorrow.
Love is the greatest gift we can give to one another and
giving is one of the greatest joys life bestows upon us. We do what we can and we do it with what
we have inside of us. Even if we may
forget it sometimes, but there’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll be able to do
the things we want and need to do.
I have wanted to write this on here for a long time but
as some of you may know that I still have family in the church. My grandparents died fully behind the
church. They believed in it
whole-heartedly. I don’t think that
anything I have said points any fingers to anyone. It’s time to heal the wounded, forgive the sinners, and let God
do the rest.
Sincerely,
J. Annette Bolken (Williams)
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