LETTER TO Ex-Pastor
By Anonymous Ex-Member
This letter is one more step in my healing process. Because of all the abuse (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical) that happened to me in my years at the <name withheld> Gospel Assembly, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Guess what triggers my PTSD episodes? You got it- church!!!! One day I hope to be healed to the point that I don’t throw up when I walk into a church. God, grant healing to all who have suffered spiritual abuse and grant us restoration. God, grant understanding to our abusers. Let them come to the knowledge that they are abusers. Let the abused and the abuser find healing in your love. God, break the circle of pain.
Dear pastor of the <name withheld> Gospel Assembly:
It is a strain to marry a polite greeting to your name, but as we live in a polite society and I am conforming to society rules of formal opening, the greeting remains.
The point of my letter is to inform you that are a spiritual abuser. I don’t know if your abusive tendencies arise from your past? Perhaps you were a recipient of abuse from your family or even a GAC leader? This I don’t know the answer to, and in actuality, it is a moot point as you are the only one who knows in certainty. Perhaps you have never heard the term “spiritual abuser”.
Let me clarify:
In the book “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse”, authors Johnson and explain how spiritual abuse is parallel to family system abuse:
“In a healthy, functional family system, the parents occupy a place of authority in order to provide need-meeting relationships, experiences, and messages to the children… When a parent uses his or her position to force the children to perform or uses a too-harsh standard to judge by or uses the position of power to gratify his or her own needs, the parent has crossed the line into abuse… When a child trusts and then is emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually used for an adult’s gratification, that is abuse.”
<Name withheld>, you haven’t just crossed the line into abuse- you have built a kingdom with it and into it. In your belief that you are God’s judgment stone you have made yourself and those who support you into ‘God’s lynching crew. You have spiritually, emotionally, and physically ‘lynched’ people’s God-given right of personhood and equality. I hate to be the one to tell you, but God never advertised for a ‘judgment stone-spiritual lynching assistant.’ Perhaps you should check your hiring papers – you might find a signature on there you wouldn’t like.
Nathan told David a parable of a rich man who stole the poor man’s sheep to feed his guest. <Name withheld>, you didn’t just steal your poor neighbor’s sheep to feed your guest. You, the ‘shepherd’, took your own sheep to feed yourself. You are the woman. I say this, not as a judge as that isn’t my place; I say this as a fellow child of Christ.
In Matthew 18: 15 Christ says, “If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two along, so that every matter maybe established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”
You have had many ‘private pointing outs’, so I am coming with two or three witnesses of this website. As God created you, Janice, a creation in His own image, He loves you. He provided you a Sacrifice that will cover every abuse you have perpetrated. Christ will take every destructive action, word, and thought you have committed on His very own Body of believers on Himself- He will cover them with His precious blood. As a fellow child of Christ, I urge you to take the Advocate God has allowed you. He will take your sentence, as He has mine, on His very self.
If you choose to ignore this Advocate, I would remind you that, as God is mercy, He is equally justice. A dire warning for offenders is in:
Luke 17:1 – “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied about your neck than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves.”
As you are so fond of saying, “I didn’t say that, God did.” In the name of grace of peace, I ask you to come forward, admit your abuse, and break the cycle of pain. Remember Zacchaeus? Christ came to his house and the tax collector turned from his abuse of the people. Let Christ come to your house. Turn from your abuse. Repay back what you have stolen.
You often portray yourself as a ‘David’ to those who have turned from you ‘Saul’. You say they plot for your life, awaiting your ruin. I say to you that the opposite is true. Those you have abused and stolen from haven’t taken you to task for your wrongs against them. They have moved on with their lives, growing and maturing into the humans they were meant to be, the people they would have been without your abuse. They go on bravely, facing years wasted in your service, money given to bolster your kingdom (not God’s) that you have built.
You, on the other hand, pursue them with prayers for their demise, for their destructive and violent end. You see God as your ‘long arm of the law’. I would re-think the whole Saul and David scenario. You aren’t David. I don’t wish to descend into a ‘Jerry-Springer-ish’ orgy of blame throwing, so I will bring this letter to it’s close.
I want you to know that you are an abuser. I also want you to know that there is forgiveness and grace. If you choose forgiveness, I want you to know that with about ten years of good counseling I will able to stand in the same room as you to hear the true account of your life. By then I will have gotten over my ‘house- elf’ mentality and won’t cringe or throw-up when I see your face. I was a good house-elf for you. I took your abuse and your mentality that I was less than human and put here on earth purposely to serve you. As you were the ‘master’ and I but the lowly house-elf, I kept your secrets. My mind and soul punished me severely when I dared think or say that you were wrong.
You are not material of Voldemort proportion – however, you are definitely Malfoy status. As Dobby the house-elf says, in Prisoner of Azkaban, “You are a bad, dark wizard.”
Now I am a free house-elf and I may work for when and for whom I choose. If the ‘Harry Potter’ references offend you, I was glad to be of service one last time. <Name withheld>, for your immortal soul’s sake, choose repentance. End the abuse. Restore what you have stolen and come into the waiting arms of forgiveness.
A fellow child in Christ,
God is good to all
Dear message board brethren and sisters,
Thank you for your patience and support. My journey has finally led me to the point that I could write this letter and I am so relieved.
Now I can freely pray my Amos 5:24 prayer:
“But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-ending stream!”
Pray God His justice will roll through <Name withheld>, Gospel Assembly and wash away the pain and abuse.
God is good to all